| How do you... |
[Nov. 22nd, 2004|10:35 am] |
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...Say no to a friend? I don't know. I went on my first date with this girl the other night, and it was great, we even have a second date lined up. When I mentioned a second date, my date said we should double with some friends of ours. I was and still am perfectly fine with that. I suggest that we go to the zoo, and life is good. Then today, my friend, the one that I'd be doubling with, says that she'd like to go to gameworks as a backup. Now I had already planned on going to the aquarium as a backup. Yeah. I don't know, Gameworks just doesn't seem like a good date to me. Is it just me? I don't know anymore. I'm off. |
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| I want a wife. |
[Jun. 5th, 2004|09:16 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Every Move I Make *Fusebox | ] |
So I called my best friend tonight, she got married a couple of months ago. She was so happy. I could here her husband in the background, and I could tell that they were very much in love. I want to be married. I know it may sound stupid to some, but I really just want to be married. I know that God has someone out there for me though, I would just like to find them sooner rather than later. I want to be married. I want to know that God truly does have someone out there for me. I don't want to be someone who never gets married. I want to do what God calls me to, but I very much want a wife.
I had a dream last night. In it, I married Hope. As much as the thought of marriage appeals to me, this truly isn't what I want. I want it to be someone that I have no doubts about. I had doubts from the beginning with her. I want God to show me His plan. I want to find that one person that God has picked out for me. I want to know that God hasn't forgotten about me.
I need to get back into the word again. I haven't read in quite a while. I hope that I get accepted to that school in IL. Lots of Christians. Still might not find the one that's for me though. I need God's help. I can't do this alone. I know that I'm just rambling now, but I don't really care, this is MY lj after all. What must I do to find her? Can't I just have a glimpse? I need to clean up my life. |
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| Life |
[May. 27th, 2004|02:52 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | lonely | ] |
So a lot has changed in my life since the last time that I posted. Hope and I, sadly, broke up. She lied to me about her life and who she was, and I just couldn't be with that. So anyhow, I decided to finally leave state. I applied to a few different out of state colleges and hopefully one of them will soon accept me. I need to send out my college transcripts soon. I need a friend.
I feel so friendless here. I really don't know why. I know that I need to find a church though. That will help with a lot of stuff. In a way, I suppose I want my life to be what it's not. I know that a lot of people want that, but yeah. It's not easy. It's kinda monotanous. (sp?) Anyway, life will get better as soon as I get back with God. I need to start working on that daily. I miss her. I miss the companionship. I went and saw Shrek 2. Bad idea. Don't get me wrong, it was a great movie, it just sucked for me. It reminded me of how alone I really was.
I also found my sister's LJ. Not fun. She really hated Hope for the whole abortion thing.
Ok, I'm about ready to kill someone. Ok, so not really, but i'm still rather pissed at some people online. Why are people terminally stupid? I don't know. I think it's Adam's fault. You know, he ate the apple, and all that jazz. So yeah. I'm just fruterated. Anyhow, I really just need a friend right now. |
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| What a witch... |
[Apr. 28th, 2004|09:34 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
Ok, for the sake of the story, we're going to call her Heather. I guess this would be a good time as any to tell anyone reading this that Sam isn't my real name, Hope isn't really my girlfriend's name, and most every name will be changed in this to keep this journal a little bit private. Although Gord really is Gord...
Anyhow, Heather got online today and began talking with me (she's one of my ex's). We talked for a bit, and then I told her that I'm moving, and that Hope is moving to the same place. She then proceeded to tell me "i just think it's ridiculous for her to move there and for you to base your life around her, and then go saying it's all about God".
How dare she! I just couldn't believe it. I argued against what she said and then said something not very nice to her. Oh well. Gotta work on that still.
So anyhow, I'm moving on Sunday. I need to pack tomorrow and friday until 3. I need to have everything packed by then. Crapper. Anyhow, it's a nice enough place. It's a 2 bedroom that I'll be sharing with my sister for a bit. It has a swimming pool though, and that I'm just thrilled about. I love swimming, and hopefully, this will get me back into shape. The shape being prefferably, no longer 'roundish'.
Hope is doing well, seeing as how she's not pregnant! I was thrilled when I heard. I do want to have a child with her someday, but let's wait until we're married. My parents weren't too thrilled. I told them about it when I was really scared. It's a regretted moment of weakness. Oh well, life goes on. All they told be was to use birth control.
Anyhow, that's all for now. I'll write more as the week goes on.
God bless and peace be with you,
Sam |
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| Payson |
[Apr. 22nd, 2004|08:41 am] |
I'm heading home now for the weekend. Hope arrives tomorrow night. She still hasn't had her period, she's really worried. I'm not though. She's already started having cramps and what-not and she took a pregnancy test and it came out negative. A friend of mine told me that the more she stresses out about it, the later it will be. It's really hard for her though. I wish that there was something that I could do. She's been calling me rather early the past few days. 6:30. It's a bit of a hassle, but in all honesty, I'd do anything for her, even lose sleep.
So her senior prom is this weekend. I was going to take her but I don't have the money right now. I told her I'd make it up to her, and I will. I want to take her to a nice restaurant in Phoenix and then take her somewhere halfway private where we can dance together. We've never danced together. I'm still sick, but it's mostly gone. I feel a lot better than I did last night, 'cept for the fact that it's rather hard to breathe.
Ok, that's all for now. I'll write more later. |
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| First entry |
[Apr. 21st, 2004|11:56 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sick | ] |
Ok, so this is my first entry. Hope had a bit of a scare this week...she thought she was pregnant. This isn't good. I feel like I betrayed God, and in a lot of ways. Anyhow, we're going to keep our relationship clean now. BTW, she's not pregnant. I felt really bad. If she had been, she would have had to get an abortion. Don't get me wrong, I think abortion is an abomination to our society and thus needs to be eliminated. But the thing is...if she had a baby...she would die. Hope has cancer. She also has diabeties. It's not been fun for her, or for me.
We went to San Fran last weekend. My best friend got married. For a long time, Hope thought I had a massive crush on this girl. I did when I was younger, but no longer. I think she gets that now. Anyhow, the wedding went well, even though it was a mormon wedding. I wish she'd realize the truth. But I know it'll be next to impossible now. Oh well. God will work it out.
On the trip home, I had to give Hope Peptol Bismal. You know, the pink stuff. She nearly cried when I gave it to her. It may have been because I threatened to force feed it to her if she didn't open up her mouth. It was for the best though, it did help out some. So I'm reading this new book, called Life on the Edge. It's be Dr. James Dobson, you know, of Focus On The Family. Anyhow, the book is amazing so far. It's showed me a lot about life and what-not. I want Hope to read it.
I want to take a moment to thank a good friend of mine now. I want to that you Gord, for always being there for me when I need someone to talk to. For never looking down on me for my mistakes, and for helping to keep me accountable to God. You are truly a good friend and I'm very glad that I met you.
Ok. I think I'm about done for the night. I'm still sick, so I'll hopefully start doing better tomorrow. If not it will be a long weekend...Anyhow, God bless and peace be with you.
Samuel |
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